Bearing the light - Lisa Blackwood

At this time in my mother's life she seems enveloped in darkness, not a darkness by choice, but a darkness that is slowly taking her away.  You see, the darkness of Alzheimer's is simply overwhelming her.  Watching her descend into that darkness is painful.  I remember the light; her bright smile, wit, caring nature, the absolute generosity of her personality - all reflections of her faith - a bright and glowing light for all to see.  Where is that light now?  She hovers behind closed eyes, slurred speech and fear.  Mostly, she knows no one.  Life was much more beautiful before the veil of darkness began to fall.  Has her life always been easy; has darkness tried to surround her before?  Of course, but in those moments her mind was clear and she was the "her" I remember.

Life has not always been easy for her: losing her mother as an infant, being passed from relative to relative, moving from house to house, separated from siblings and father, having a stepmother and three new sisters and finally being forced from her home as a teenager because there was no room and the worst of all was becoming a young widow.  She leaned on the one constant, her church and her faith!  God's light shone through her!  You can even see it in her young pictures, a glow of peace and hope.  She trusted that God had a plan for her life. Happily there were wonderful times as well; marriage, three children, a career devoted to helping others, grand and great grand- children - so many treasured memories.

At first the darkness crept in slowly, then it came rushing in with paranoia, depression, fears and mostly the loss of "her", the fading of the woman, my mother and her glow.  I sometimes think the darkness has won only to be blessed by the light that comes forth, letting me know the light is still strong.  She is a child of God and there is a new light, fueled by old memories and faith.  She hums along in perfect harmony at the sound of old hymns, her eye lids lift and her lips almost smile.  Darkness has not and never will overcome her.  She continues to bear the light, no longer from her eyes, but from her soul.  Thanks be to God.

Grace and peace,

Lisa and Leland Blackwood